• The National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence fights the stigma and the disease of alcoholism and other drug addictions.

Ask Dr. Bob

QUESTION
My mother is 76 years old. She has been drinking every day as far back as I can remember. She starts drinking a few hours before dinner and will have alcoholic beverages for lunch when available. She claims to be a "social drinker" and all her friends do the same.

A few years ago I tried talking to her about her drinking because her behavior is rude and obnoxious and has embarrassed me when we are out in public, especially at a restaurant. She is combative at the dinner table. I avoid having meals with her because she is so irritable.

I brought it up then and again recently and both times she retaliated with saying I'm crazy and kicking me out of her house. I am concerned for her because she drives home after being out and she justifies all of her behavior.

Please advise... Is this typical for her to be so defensive? I could use some help here.

ANSWER
A difficult situation, but not all that unusual. Unfortunately your mother's story is repeated many times in our aging society. Drinking daily is certainly not uncommon in some levels of our society and many of these people show no signs of alcoholism. Further, when questioned about their alcohol use they are usually matter of fact, not defensive; are able to drink moderately without problems and also to stop when they so desire.

Some of these persons, however, will proceed to develop the disease of alcoholism. Their drinking has become out of control, alcohol has begun to cause troubles in relationships, and they may be unable to abstain. A personality change typically accompanies their drinking now (as with your mother) and, most importantly, they become very defensive about their drinking. The latter point is very important with regard to your mother's case and to your relationship with her!

You've tried talking with her, hopefully while she is sober, but she remains defensive about it. The next steps might include asking her family doctor to examine her for evidence of alcohol-induced disease, eg, liver problems, macrocytosis, etc. If present, health problems may help motivate her to get treatment. Or, more importantly, you might consider doing an intervention. This process, which employs several persons who know her and care about her, is a powerful tool to begin breaking through the defensiveness. This defensiveness, which annoys you so -- and it should -- is a hallmark of alcoholism and the chief roadblock to recovery!

Perhaps the key to your helping your mother is getting professional assistance! Consider seeing a counselor at an Alcoholism Referral Center, or Treatment Program, or a physician with experience in this field...and follow their advice!

Good Luck!

Dr. Bob




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Dr. Bob does not provide specific medical advice or a medical diagnosis for any particular condition described, nor verify the authenticity of any information described in the questions presented. Patients should always consult their physician to discuss any specific symptoms, conditions, or modes of therapy for any particular mental or physical difficulties, diseases or conditions.

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